When Should You Have A Baby? || Mayim Bialik

When Should You Have A Baby? || Mayim Bialik

– Hey, Grokites! Today, we’re gonna grok when
you should have children. Well, I don’t know when
YOU should have children. But as a woman who spent pretty much all of my fertile years in
college and graduate school, I thought about this issue a lot. And I get asked about it a lot. Let’s place this in some context. For pretty much all of human history, women had children when
they were most fertile. Fertility is a clinical term,
the way I’m using it here. It’s the time when your
body is most evolutionarily at an advantage for carrying, birthing, nursing and maintaining the
life of a tiny helpless human. In modern times, when women
are at their most fertile, they have the opportunity to
go to school, thank goodness. And they have the opportunity to control their reproductive cycles, thank goodness. I was in graduate school,
starting the process of writing my thesis when I became a mom. I was 29. When I was trying to decide when the right time was to have kids, these were the things
I was thinking about, and maybe you’re thinking about them too. Number one, fitness. When is the right time to have children? Like, anatomically and
physiologically speaking. Is there a right time? I know women can and do give birth well into their 30’s, 40’s and even 50’s. But as a neuroscientist who studied a lot about fetal development, I’m just gonna be straight with you. If you get pregnant and
you’re over the age of 35, your pregnancy will be
flagged as high risk for a lot of reasons which can impact the kind of birth that you wanna have. In addition, you may be
subject to a lot of tests which can increase risk to the fetus, anxiety and a lot of other issues that you may not wanna deal with. Number two, career. Many women all over the world, work. And in many cases, women are the primary breadwinners for their families. How do you have a baby and still work and support your family? The notion that giving birth is like something you go do real quick, and get right back to work, is actually not really how it pans out. The process of giving birth
is kind of a big deal. Working until the day you go into labor, thinking that you’re
gonna get back to work as soon as possible is not
always healthy for you. It can be physically draining, and emotionally draining as well. Even if you prefer to be at work. And so, the decision is not just when do I have a baby? Or am I ready to become a mom? It really becomes, when’s
the most convenient time for my boss for me to have a baby? Will me giving birth become
a burden to my workplace if it happens at an inopportune time? Will I loose my job if
I have a long recovery? This is often the most
painful and difficult issue that women encounter when trying to figure out when to have a baby. Number three, childcare. Having a baby is one thing. Raising it is another. Women’s brains have
evolved over the course of millions of years of evolution to be primed for keeping a baby alive. If we choose to work, who raises our baby? What are the daycare
opportunities near where we work? Are they reasonable? Are we seen as a burden to our coworkers if we choose to take
time out to breastfeed? Our decisions often become wrapped up in what works best for other people as opposed to our decision
to become a parent. These are excruciatingly
difficult questions. And here are my takeaway
suggestions for how to handle them. Number one, don’t wait
for your life to start. If having children when you
are young is important to you, and especially if you plan to have more than one or two children, don’t gamble with your
convictions about your fitness. Obviously, this doesn’t mean that I don’t think you should get your college or graduate degree. But putting off having kids until you reach some sort
of academic milestone, can often lead to your 30’s passing you by without having had children. I felt confident that I
wanted to have children when my eggs were as young as possible. That’s just me, I don’t
know what’s right for you. Many women take time off
from school to have babies. And that’s a totally viable option. Will you get behind? Yes. But will you have your
physical fitness on your side if that’s something
that’s important to you? Yes. Number two, decide the life you want. I chose to stay home with my
kids in their formative years rather than advance my
career as a scientist. And I had been out of the acting world for almost a decade at that time. It was a painful decision and it was not without a lot of doubt. And this is a pain and a doubt that only women in this
situation can understand. I had to choose, I chose to be home. And I returned to work
and went back to acting when my second son was a toddler. Much as I wonder what
life would’ve been like had I put my children in daycare. And I don’t begrudge women who do. I felt that it was my life’s work to be home with my children. I have no regrets about that. I wanted to be there for
every second and I was. There is no right or wrong answer here. You get to decide your life. Not your mom, not your paycheck, not your thesis advisor, you. Number three, rage. It’s okay to feel outraged and enraged by the state of things. Especially in the United States, women do not get enough
paid maternity leave. Men hardly get any. There are countries in this world that give a year or paid maternity leave followed by a year of
paid paternity leave. Those are countries that
are investing in parenthood and in family building. When governments prioritize
the health of a mother and a baby and a family, people are happier and
society functions better. Be angry that your
country doesn’t do that. I don’t have all the
answers for all women. I know what worked for me but nothing any of us do, is ever perfect. My heart goes out to women forced into working situations that
do not give them choices. And we need to do better, supporting women in their child bearing years, no matter what their choices are. Ultimately, we all
benefit when our society values women as mothers and contributors to a larger society of
thinkers, doers and creators. Please leave me your comments below. How did you decide when to have children? Or what are the things
you’re thinking about if you’re currently deciding
when to have children? Make sure to like, share and subscribe. Go to groknation.com for more articles on being a working mom
and see you next time!

100 thoughts on “When Should You Have A Baby? || Mayim Bialik

  1. I am fortunate enough to live in Canada where we get a full year of mat leave. I am a critical care nurse and that year was a blessing for both myself and my daughter. I love being a mom!!!!!

  2. I got pregnant at 29 and gave her birth 2 days after turning 30.

    Perfect pregnancy without symptoms, I could still walk 1 hour each way to work, go 3 floors upstairs and cycle until the end (everybody was shocked but is only a bit of what I already could do before getting pregnant) while I was still working in my office at the very end of my pregnancy (although I cut it down to part time in my last 2 months).
    I also had a natural drug free delivery.

    I had it better than most 20-25 year old mums

  3. The amount of people in these comments waxing lyrical about not wanting kids is hilarious. Yeah, sure, that's why you're watching this video… Hahahaha

  4. I believe you should be married and at least 27. The reason being that some people are married and have a career but not emotionally mature. For the women I know that age is 27. For men it's 30.

  5. The "choice" was forced down my throat. I'm not saying I don't like her, I don't mean it like that. I mean I didn't decide as much as i wanted to & that's all I should probably say. I saw a video abt a woman who got pregnant when she was in Terrazin in 1944. It was a positive story. The baby and mother lived bc they were liberated from Mauthausen a day after the baby was born. I don't think the pregnancy was a "choice" the same as someone under less stress would have decided; after all, getting pregnant then was usually a certain death sentence for the mother & baby.
    My "choice" wasn't like that but along a related vein.

  6. Had my first baby at 34. Normal birth and wasn't flag as high risk. Also think I am able to study and focus better than when I was single. I hated being single, for me life didnt seem to have the purpose it does now. But we are all different and have different experiences

  7. I was "done" after 3 kids and a divorce, however I decided that I didn't want to tie my tubes at the time my youngest was born because I didn't want to make a permanent decision just yet. Thankfully I didn't because my current husband has always wanted a child of his own and I'm turning thirty this year and my oldest is 10! So I told him we either do this now, or we are not doing this. (Of course I know it doesn't always take on the first, second, third, or fourth try, I was accounting for a year or so of trial and error so to speak) thankfully it only took us 4 months and we had a positive pregnancy test! Our (hopefully for my sake) last baby will be greeting the world this July!

  8. I was 20 when I got my first child and I didn't have a job and got kicked out of the apartment i was living in by the father of that child. I had to move in to my parents and lived there 'til she was a little more than 1.5 years. Was it easy? No, not very. But I put trust in my instinct and since I've been surrounded by kids and baby's since I was 10, I knew I would make it. And with a little help from friends and family I made it back to school so I could fix my grades and fixed all the debts I put myself in when I was 18 and now finally after almost 7 years it's gone. I'm soon graduating from school and is a certified veterinarian assistant and can star working with what I love the most, animals. But here's the thing, I live in Sweden! When you choose to study you get paid but the government to do so and according to me that's wonderful. And now I've found a man, got another child and we tied the knot in December. Sure I put a lot of things on hold while having two kids, but I wouldn't for everything in the world change my decision! But as she said, I live in a country where they put child families pretty high up, so everything was pretty easy for me.

  9. I've always wanted kids but they never happened for me. Finally feel like I'm in a good spot with a good partner, but I'm 36. And I just don't think it's going to happen now. Makes me very sad because I definitely feel as though I've missed out on a huge part of what would have made my life feel complete.

  10. Will I loose my job if I have a long recovery! ? Stupid question from the uk? Isn't that iligal? It is here.

  11. Bangladesh offers paid leave of 6 months for mothers no matter which profession they are in. It's the best thing our government has done till date.

  12. (This might be a itrelevant) but I go to a church and I can already see all of those girls futures. They’re going to spend 12 years in school graduate go to college graduate college and get married out of college have kids and spend their life raising children. Which that can be great. If that’s what you want. I want time for me though I don’t want to give birth to kids. Though I would love to see a little mini me I want to adopt the thing is I don’t know if I’ll ever get married and that can be complicated and I prepared that if I don’t ever have children it’ll be OK 👌🏼

  13. Can you please do a video on Children with disabilities especially intelectually disability and how parents of these kids don't get enough help in most situations?

  14. I had my children after 35, as I can tell you they were pretty calm without stress, I had small problem but after all it was a machine problem not a baby problem thanks God.
    In Portugal women have 4/5 mouth payment leave to stay at home and after that father's have 1 mouth after the mother. In meantime mother have 2h leave every day to give breastfeeding until 1 year old of the baby

  15. My mother was 21 when she had my sister and 24 when she had me. For her first pregnancy, she was getting her degree in optics and for her 2nd pregnancy, she decided to take 2 years off to parent my sister and I. I think that when you have a baby, you should have a very serious talk with your partner and your parents about how it could work. Especially in the UK, it is hard as a lot of people don’t care what happens when they get pregnant as they can just sign on and get benefits which shouldn’t be a backup plan but a last resort. You should be financially stable and mentally stable. However, this is only an opinion which may have some strengths and some weaknesses just like all

  16. I had mine at 24. I wanted to be a young mom, because my parents were pretty old when they had me and too tired to do all the normal parenting activities. For instance, I wasn't in sports teams. My parents had done it all with the first 2 they had at a younger age, and didn't want to have to go to games. I had mine at 24, and I feel it was perfect. I still have plenty of energy in my mid 30s and she will be an adult when I'm in my early 40s. So, I will have plenty of time to go on adventures.

  17. People are so selfish they sit and worry so much about themselves they forget the children are the future and the kings and queens to come.. not you!! At the end of the day it doesn't matter what you have achieved or accomplished in life the biggest achievement is what you leave behind in this world and that is your LEGACY! Your rewards, your money etc will be buried along with you but only one thing will remain, your true mark in this world is the Children! Don't let a "paycheck" or "society" run your life, with god you will still have everything you ever wanted, those of you who are truly awaken know that there is no right or wrong age to use the gift and do the job that God has made you to! Blessings.❤

  18. I think there is no right age to have children. Everyone matures differently. Everyone takes different paths in their lives and everyone's finances are different. I'm 26 years old and just had my second baby. I had my first at 23. Got married at 22. My husband and I are both Marine Corps veterans so I believe that molded us into the people we are today. Now I'm a stay at home mom and he's an electrician. We make it work

  19. Thank you for being so honest Mayim! It's a tough pill to swallow that bearing children really sets us apart from our male counterparts, and it's a complex decision. We do not have infinite time to decide.

  20. I agree on all levels. I also am glad you included men and our part on this. Dad's are important, mom's are important. We are all vital to the world and society.

  21. I am so excited that I am in Australia where I get paid maternity leave. The only sad part is that there is only 2 weeks for paternity leave though it is definitely better than some countries.

  22. My mom had me at 35 my brother was born 8 1/2 years earlier.
    I was shocked when Princess Kate had her son I was shocked when hours later she’s standing with her husband & baby looking fantastic!

  23. I'm currently 21 and for as long as i can remember, ive wanted to have children in my 20s. I'm entering my masters degree next year then plan to get a phd and go into the military afterwards (this in total is about a 13 year commitment) PLUS im single… SIIIIGHHH

  24. In Hungary, we have 3 years of paid maternity leave. The first year pays the best and the two following is okay, I guess, but still, despite how much money women get, we have the opportunity to be with our children before they go to kindergarten.

  25. I've always wanted children before 30 but I'm gonna be 28 in a month and prospects don't look too good anytime soon for marriage and financial stability to have a family. Besides, i have a cat and he is my child so I actually learnt I rather have fur babies than human ones 🙈 😂

  26. I personally don't support one year paid maternity leave especially if it means tax payer dollars are used. I should not have to pay for other people's babies. And if employers have to pay it what about small mom and pop business who can't afford that? Most business are small businesses.

    As far as what I'm considering before having children, my husband and I have decided to wait until I turn 29 to try to concieve, because our house will be paid off by the time I'm 30, and we already don't have any student loan, car, credit card or any other type of debt. Once we don't have a mortgage my husband will be able to support me being a SAHM with 3-4 children very easily.

  27. I had a child as soon as I could(as soon as I met my husband and he agreed to have a baby). I made it very clear that I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I did not want to pay child care costs and I wanted to make my children’s education my main priority.

  28. I like the truth here about the biological, emotional,and mental aspects to being a great mom and some of these truths contrary to current feminist ideology. Women in high school ought to hear this side before signing up for college loans. It wouldnt be for many but a valid choice would be to marry young, kids then go to college when they are in school.
    As for child care, more options and maternity leave would be excellent. However a close assessment ought to be made about that second income. After deducting taxes and child care how little is left? Could that difference be covered by just a bit of economizing by for instance a fuel efficient 10 year old commuter vehicle?

  29. I live on country with 1 year long break for mother (or father) and I can't imagine how hard is leaving your child when he is few weeks old. Sorry for my english 🙂

  30. I’m 22 married for 1 Year ! We have a nice home big enough for a child.

    BUT we have a list before trying for a baby.

    •Pay off debt or more than half of it.
    • Save At least a couple thousands for the baby or for any emergencies that may come up
    •Finish my schooling & have at least 1 year in the field I’m going into.

    My husband has a great job thank god & i plan on working for myself & be able to be flexible with my schedule so I can dedicate the right time to my children.

  31. Pregnancies in women over the age of 35 are actually NOT high-risk, as I learned from my midwife as she prepared me for giving birth for the first time at age 40. There is a multitude of misinformation even within the medical community about these pregnancies, and I think it is important not to spread that misinformation even more broadly on a platform like this. Because I was under the care of a wonderful midwife, I was not required or pressured to agree to any particular tests (though she offered all of the same tests as an OB/GYN in case I wanted to opt for any of them), and my pregnancy and my baby were both incredibly healthy and without complications.

  32. So I started having kids in my 30s, I always wanted to have them in my 20's but had fertility issues. It took 7 years to have my daughter and 2 additional pregnancies to have my son. My daughter was born in California and due to a variety of reasons I got 6 months with her before returning to my job. My son however was a different story. I took the minimum 6 weeks required by my dr as we were living in Wyoming where there was zero paid leave for birthing a child. As the primary breadwinner this threw us into a financial spiral then having a child with medical needs only exacerbated the situation. Medical leave is not consistantly state to state. I was unaware of this, not that it would have changed my mind having my son. It would have changed how I approached leading up to the birth.

  33. Thanks for this I am in my 30s and have made the decision to not have children because of massive health issues. I am the responsible aunty to many friends children.

  34. In the Czech Republic you get an amount of money and you decide how long it can last you, usually 3 years, then you get it monthly. Amazing.

  35. In Canada, women get a year paid maternity leave. The fathers also can get paternity leave. No one loses their job during this period. The US system is so out of touch with life today. Your country is not the greatest in everything that truly matters.

  36. I had my first kid at 34, second child at 37, worked until the day I had to go to the hospital. My boss fired me because I stayed at home 3 months with my second child. No law protected me, it was terrible; left me with a deep depression. Yeah laws in USA suck.

  37. Never (ever) on purpose.
    Only whenever you fail to avoid it.
    — "Having children means giving hostages to fate".
    There has never been a reason to intentionally create (cause to become) sentient life … that wasn't entirely selfish.
    Ethically, if children are created on purpose,
    it makes (whoever) at least partly responsible for any suffering they endure or cause; because they set that all into motion
    and knew they were risking that.
    This is a point I first heard atheists make about the moral implications of a "Father" who would either knowingly risk that
    or knowingly (for certain) set all of this suffering into motion.
    Logically, and in terms of compassion and personal accountability,…
    they are absolutely correct.
    Also, consider:

    Studies have proven that even most parents who are glad they had their kids … have less health and happiness than before they had any
    and less than most peers who have not had any.

    Find a better way to shore up identity, purpose, belonging, and to indulge whatever otherwise-beautiful urges to care for someone that you may have.
    Humanity (the people who already exist) need those attentions; if you are determined to find an outlet for those.

    And it's not like the world is short on people.

  38. Here in Czech republic we have half a year of maternity leave and then they give a certain amount of money and parents can divide it up into 4 years to get payment monthly. Most parents use it for 2-3 years. That means many women with two kids dont go to work for 6 years. I really cant imagine being american, having to breastfeed myself and freeze it and all those stuff WITHOUT the baby. How can you properly raise your kid when you have to work? That system seems to be a joke in these days.

  39. Burden?
    Let's put responsibility back. You and kids are never a burden. By saying might be a burden pressures us

  40. Not everyone who wants to have a baby while they are in their prime physical condition can do so; I would love to be a mother, but I'm not with anyone and I'm not willing to jump into a relationship just because I want to be a mother.

  41. Sorry education should come first and make sure you can afford to raise them. Kids are very expensive. You always had the money to have them when you wanted.

  42. Hi Mayim!
    I have two children, five years to the day apart. My daughter who is now 23 was actually a birthday gift from my then friend who would eventually become my husband. Five years later I had my son at the age of 37. I did have all the extra tests including the big ole needle in the belly😳. Went back to work after six weeks with both of them and would work whatever hours opposite my husband. I'm now back to teaching preschool where some children come as early as seven and stay till six which breaks my heart. I understand that some parents need to work as much as possible and I try to love their kids as much as they do.Thanks for the videos I enjoyed them all. Wendy

  43. Due to health issues that I have, the doctors told me and my ex husband that I either had children young, or I'd never have them, so wanting to be a Momma my entire life, we planned our pregnancy along with the help of my doctors and in the Summer of 1988 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. I use to say that I wanted to be 35 when I had children, but I have absolutely no regrets having my daughter at 20, we grew up together. LOL

  44. It's so so difficult being a woman trying to juggle career, finances, relationships, babies, inequalities and so on. I'm at a very difficult age 26 and want to have kids soon. But I've just started my career and the thought of having to go part time and trying to find money to afford childcare is upsetting. However, I know I really want kids so it'll just have to work out!

  45. In Bulgaria, you get 2 years of paid maternity leave and all of your babys food for those years are included. Plus your job is guaranteed to be there when you return

  46. I want children of my own but I'm concerned about financially supporting them through school and through any health issues they might have. It breaks my heart because my husband and I would love to be parents. But even with us both working full time, we can barely support ourselves. Our dog has recently been diagnosed with epilepsy and we could not afford to pay $3,000 for an MRI to determine the cause of his seizures. I feel like I'm letting him down. I feel like I'm letting everyone down. I also feel so sad knowing what I want most in this life, raising my own family, won't happen unless we can somehow make more money. I don't see that happening until my late 30s and that terrifies me.

  47. In Canada women get one year maternity leave with pay…my birth country Guyana allows 3 months with pay…I used to work at a daycare and it made me so sad to see moms bringing in their 2 weeks old baby on their way back to work…and I am sure there are some moms who fir financial reasons have to return earlier but our daycare only takes in infants from 2 weeks old…

  48. Hello there Mayim! Your fellow female in science person here… Could you make a video specifically about pregnancy and labour? I am still terrified of the whole process and I would love to know about your experience. Perhaps you have some tips on how to survive it…. thank you!

  49. I just saw a video here on you tube about how terribly doctors treated women while they were giving birth- forcing them to have c-sections when the woman wasn't too tired to push, etc. I've been reading a lot of stuff about how the state & doctors are making, well, forcing women in birth to do what they don't want to & women not realizing that they have more power to make decisions & to refuse things. A lot of bad doctors out there. I would probably move to a remote place to give birth & raise children now a day. The gov & these hospitals are terrible!

  50. I have recently completely switched my education and career goals around because I thought realistically about when I want kids and because of how I want to be there for them. My mother worked two jobs (and did not need to) very soon after I was born and I want to be there 24/7 for my kids until they go to school/for the first few years of their lives. I also want 1-2 kids as of now. I may only be 22 but I have met the love of my life who I want to have kids with and things have become to real in the last year or two. I know having kids could happen at any time and I want to do it when my body is at its best for having a baby and caring for it and I know that I am in that time now and it won’t be here forever.

  51. As a woman in her early thirties and single by choice…I have absolutely no desire to have children at all…I’m always afraid to tell people this because I always get the same advice..”you’ll change your mind” or..”you just haven’t found the right person yet” ugh…I know 100% in my body and my mind that my lack of desire to want to have children doesn’t stem from sort of societal pressure or not finding the right person but from knowing myself and my personality and my goals and dreams in life…I do not feel the need to procreate because I have found value in my life in other things..I feel very isolated and marginalized when other women who are mothers tell me give it time you’re still young enough…being young enough isn’t the issue..My life already is filled with value and meaning already I have found happiness in my life in other areas. I do not need children to give my life meaning. I’m happy for women who do choose to have children because being a mother is an amazing gift given to us by Mother Nature…It’s just not meant for every woman and there is no shame in that.

  52. Society and selfish family members (like, family who want grandkids, for example) complicate matters extremely.

    And true, nobody's boss should ever have any say about someone's childbirth decisions. That is an extreme overreach and should be legislated against.

  53. Just one would be okay overpopulated and have social anxiety. Would love to home school them they would learn more and wouldn't get bullied.

    Even if I don't have any I could always have a bunch of rescued dogs or orphans. I don't mind.

  54. I love this video so much!! We are so programmed to believe we need society approval before we have our own children, then we put a age on EVERYTHING to keep us limited to the things we should do or accomplish by a certain age.. Its really sad, I pray people start following there own intuition and stop being afraid of what others will think of you, at the end of the day all that matters is YOUR OWN HAPPINESS!

  55. I had my first child at 31 yrs old, second one at 32. I also made sure that the man I married was in agreement with me about me wanting to be a stay at home mom, which I did. I stayed home from 1992-2015. I also took care of my father who had cancer. My kids were grown out of the house. 2015 I got a part time job. 6/2015 I’m officially retired. Not 65 yet but still retired. I’m lucky enough to have a husband who makes a decent living that I could stay home with the kids and take and take care of my father and retire early.

  56. I'm 25 and in my final year at university and I'm hoping to do postgraduate medicine. So I'm not sure, that by the time I finish that, whether I'll be able to have children. But I do want children. 🙁

  57. There are things as equally important and valid as giving birth that a woman feels the need to achieve. And I am not necessarily talking about career, which is also very important and satisfying. I am talking about fostering genuine self-esteem, to learn how to feel ok and comfortable with yourself, to find out who you are, to seek for self-love and self-care BEFORE commiting to take care of another human being. I believe in those things and I believe life has a lot of other wonderful experiences to offer to a woman, other than giving birth and raising children.

  58. Great grest grest very impirtant vid. Wish Id had it at 18! Excellent advice. Great comments too. Thank you every one.

  59. Actually having Kids before 25 is greater risk than after 35, bc the body isnt mature yet, and also problems happen more often to People having Kids before 35 than opposite. Many female doctors have Kids after 35 I know a few and obstetricians actually Who had Kids after 42

  60. I would like to have a kid soon. i think im secured enough to do this. I find my self wanting to do things ive never done before. Like when i see woman with their toddler in the park, i think i would like to do that. Ive been thinking i would like to stay home if i had kids. I have worked my ass off in my life, and sometimes i think i woulnt mind taking time off and have kids and home make. Im single now so im taking my time to get to know the guy. My next partner could be the father of my kids so i have to make a good choice.

  61. We tried for our baby at 19yo, together 5 years, engaged, have our own home, both working full time and I’m studying. Our baby is due in 3 months, 4 months before I turn 21. The timing was perfect for us. I understand some people don’t find their partner until later in life. Other than that if you’re waiting for career or to “be ready” you may never ready to try. I believe you become ready the day you give birth. ❤️

  62. Well, one option modern women seem to forget is "it's a good time to have a baby when one is impregnated".
    As old fashioned traditional cultures maintain, Don't fool around, have unprotected sex, get raped, or you'll probably get pregnant.
    Abortion is not for birth-control. Behavior is paramount in conception.

  63. Thank you, that really helped me a lot! I am 27 years old and in a long term relationship.. I always thought i had to wait until certain events in my life (marriage, successful carrier, owning a home) until I was "allowed" to have kids. I know start to think differently 😌

  64. I didn't decide I was 17 teen packing to fly to a fashion show. I stopped in horror and told my sister I hadn't had my period in three months. I was very thin so no one could tell. My sister ran and told my mom who flipped out and told me my life was ruined over and over. My mom bought me a pregnancy test and I was pregnant. My life was hell for 18 teen no really 21 years. If I could change the timing of my pregnancy I would but not my awesome daughter. We struggled alot but we made it I went on to grace the page's of many top fashion magazines. I walked the catwalk around the world! After I feel in love and married my husband we had a babyboy I was 30 years old then and ready.

  65. if you want to have children, or get married, or anything, just do it now! there is no perfect time for anything. by the time your "perfect time" arrives, even if it does finally, it's already too late

  66. I like the Heinlein reference btw.

    That said having children is a really, really dumb idea. As my dad said there literally is only one dumber move than having children. Just one.

    That is not having children.

    It’s a close call btw, and I say this as a loving, stay at home dad of three who is really glad with the choice I made.

  67. I am 27, and currently almost 19 weeks pregnant with my first child living in the United States. My husband and I have always wanted children, and it took us 3 years to conceive. Luckily, his job pays salary, and should let him have a few weeks off after our son is born. My job is a little trickier. They didn't have an option for maternity leave, so I had to sign up for short term disability, and I'll only get about 60% of my weekly paycheck during that time. I wish that we were in a financial situation where I could just stay home with our boy until he went to school, but, we both HAVE to work to afford food, and to keep our home. I have seriously considered moving to another country for multiple reasons, but healthcare and the way other countries treat mother's and fathers are at the top of the list. The U.S. is a country that talks a big game, but when you look at the rules it has created, you realize that stay at home moms/dads are not something that many people have the opportunity to be. It saddens me.

  68. Adoption is another thing, my mother wanted kids of her own! But she got me and my brother! She’s blessed, I don’t remember how old she was, but I know that she loves us! She tells us, also by telling us life lessons too. I just wanna say thank you ☺️ for the advice too!!!! You’re an inspiration to all

  69. Here's a question for folks. I have 3 kids ages 8 to almost 2. I've been a stay at home mom since my oldest was born, but now I feel like I'm ready to return to the workforce and our household income could certainly use it. BUT would I be doing a disservice to my youngest child? My two oldest had me with them. Shouldn't my youngest too? Why should she have to be shipped off to daycare when my two sons had Mama full time. Also, I can't even imagine how our household would function without me here full time. I know many families do this, and successfully but I honestly can't fathom it. Yeesh. Mom guilt. Opinions?

  70. I decided to become a mother at age 23. During that stage I was done going to clubs, as a Type 1 Diabetic my A1C was at a 6.0 for over three years and I wanted to be a young mom so I can have energy to play ball together, or any other outdoor activities. I am 32 now and my children are independent, I returned back to school, we all do homework at the same time and I have a higher income now since I focused on experience. To some, stopping your education can be a huge inconvenience. For me, I think being a parent and full time employee at my early 20s was very convenient. I take my education more serious than when i was 17 freshly graduated from High School because now I have my children as my motivation to always do better and remain focused. As a mother, I believe my body did great and holding my two babies in my petite body and uterus.

  71. Just started trying to get pregnant at 28. My husband and I have been married 5 years. I finished my master’s this year. My mom will be retiring and living close next year and is willing to help with childcare. AND my state is enacting its first paid parental leave policy next year. Now is the right time for me.

  72. This was SO helpful! I'm a few months from being halfway through my PhD in chemistry. I'm thinking of starting my family before I graduate and some of my family members are highly against it. In their minds, I'll lose focus. My boyfriend and I have been together since my early days in undergrad. This video helped me be content with my life decisions. As long as my partner is on board, no one else is obligated to raise our kids.

  73. I don t understand: i feel pressure by society and by my body physiology however…I do not want to Carry a pregnancy, I d like to a adopt, also because I m not healthy as other people, andI m actually relatively young, I would like to be indipendendent and satisfyed about my life before having kids.

  74. Have children in your early Twenties that way when you go to concerts 16 years later they will be able to go with you

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