IS PARENTING A JOB? | MIndful Motherhood | Ysis Lorenna

IS PARENTING A JOB? | MIndful Motherhood | Ysis Lorenna


Hi guys today’s video is a bit of a
reflective one and I wanted to talk about and discuss with you guys why we
call parenting a job and whether or not there is a better term out there for
what we do in raising human beings and this came about because I was browsing
and I found an amazing article which I’ll leave linked below and it just
opened my eyes to the whole association of parenting with a job and we all know
that parenting is hard work I mean if you’re a parent it is hard work even if
you’re not a parent you probably know the parenting is hard work but being
hard work and being a job are completely different things
there are lots of hard work things in life and not everything that’s hard work
is a job and I don’t think I’m just gonna put it out there I don’t think we
should continue to call parenting a job but I do have some feelings why we do it
and I do it all the time and how we can do something to change it so I would
love if you have an opinion on this subject for you to leave a comment below
and talk to me about it and talk to each other and have a back and forth
discussion I think it’s worth talking about and just a little reminder if
you’re not already to subscribe to my channel please subscribe I’m so close to
100,000 subscribers I’d love to get there by the end of the summer that
would be amazing anyway I’ve made notes because I have a lot to say on this
subject so like I said parenting is hard work isn’t it and it’s probably the
hardest that you’ll ever work in your life more than any job you’ve ever had
in your life and I think the reason why a lot of us treat it as a job is because
we don’t get to decide when we take a break when we walk away from it when
we’ve had enough if you’re parenting it’s full time it’s there and it’s
happening and you don’t get to stop you don’t get to say right I am done I’ve
done enough for the day you saw yourself out it doesn’t it doesn’t work like that
does it so sometimes it may feel like a chore and may feel like a job and I
think that that’s part of the reason why we
instead of parenting a job a lot of the times after doing my research I’ve
convinced myself that I am NOT gonna be calling parenting a job anymore instead
I think I will look at it more like a relationship and the premise of a
relationship is that you nurture it so it can grow and you build connections
with people and that’s essentially what we’re doing on a daily basis with our
children we look after them when you nurture them so they can grow and we
love them so we build those connections and those relationships with them and
yes feeding and changing and doing all that stuff can sometimes feel like a
chore but think of it as part of the relationship as the part of the effort
that you have to put in in any successful relationship and that is your
effort that you’re putting in with your children to know too that relationship
and I think there are two metaphors here that would change the description of a
relationship instead of a job and in a job you’d say you show up and you get
paid in the relationship you water the grass so it can grow and also I think
with a job there’s a lot of competitiveness involved and treating
parenting as a job just foster that competitiveness that we all hate amongst
mums we shouldn’t be competing with each other but because we were associating
what we do as a job sometimes it feels like you’re competing because that mom
takes all their children to their after-school clubs and they go to
football club an art club and I just take my kids to the park so I’m not
doing as good of a job is that mum because she’s doing so much more than me
and that competitiveness does not need to be there if you see what you’re doing
is a relationship there is no need to look at what other mums are doing and
see what you’re doing you just see that they have a loving amazing relationship
with their children and you have your loving amazing relationship with your
children in your own way I truly believe that you can only understand your
children’s needs if you have a proper relationship
with them and a relationship is back and forth and it’s built with time and
effort and hard work and yes granted you’re not gonna see much back from your
children when they’re very young and for a really long time it will feel like a
one-sided relationship but you’re putting in your time and your effort and
you are going to get something out of it at the end you’re good you’re going to
get that affection back and that back and forth and I’m seeing that right now
with my three-year-old I’m getting so much back from him and have you ever
noticed that the more independence you give to your children which is a true
mark of a relationship the more they thrive and that’s because they feel
valued and they feel like they’re on the same level as you instead of always
being below you which is what a job would be like and obviously it’s going
to be hard if you give your toddler the hose pipe to water the plants we’re all
gonna get soaking wet let’s be honest it’s not gonna be easy but just look at
how much they will feel happy for you letting them do it and I think that is
part of seeing parenting as a relationship we do those hard things in
order to nurture that relationship you’re building that confidence that
they have in you that trust and all of that are things that come with a
relationship and not so much with a job if parenting is just a job then we would
just do things in the best and most effective and efficient way possible we
were just water the plants and not give them the hose pipe because that’s too
hard work and it’s much easier and quicker if you do it but instead we want
to see them happy we want to see them thrive and so we foster that
relationship I know I keep using that word but I think that’s a really
important word in what I’m trying to say here and the last point that I’m gonna
make is something that I myself am also guilty of I think that we put far too
much pressure on jobs and work being worthwhile in our lives and we are kind
of trained to think that unless you’re doing a job you’re not using your time
properly and people who live indulgent lives are not seen as
their time to go to use a modern society do we work and keeping busy and doing
all these million things at once is seen as better and more worthy than living a
life of leisure if you seem to be enjoying your life far
too much and to be having loads of fun all the time
then you’re perceived as lazy and I think that’s why we try and attach the
word job to parenting because we want to be seen as we’re doing something as well
we’re not just sitting at home doing nothing whilst our partners go out to
work and we feel like we need to say this is a job just as much as what you
do leaving the house and earning the money staying at home with the kids is
as much of a job and I don’t think the word relationship will take away any of
the hard work that we have to put into our children I think we just need to get
rid of that word job because it doesn’t do anything for what we do it puts a lot
of unnecessary pressure on ourselves to perform to the job to be constantly busy
to do millions of things with our kids because that’s what doing a good job is
as a mum and I think instead it would take so much off the pressure of our
short of shoulders and we would just be so much more inclined to have more fun
with them of treating parenting as a relationship demands that we keep
putting in the hard work into it but not so that we can be better than other
parents but so that we can have something special in our lives something
meaningful something that can last more than a lifetime rather than something
that will last only until the next best and highest paid job comes around and
also if everything is work then there is no such thing as a work-life balance if
your life is work and your work is work then where is the balance where do you
draw the line between enjoying yourself and working so let’s talk about this
what do you think do you think that treating parenting as a job is something
that adds value to what we’re doing or do you feel more like I feel that
sometimes that adds unnecessary pressure to parents and instead if we treat it as
a relationship then we will feel like we don’t
have this burden of competitiveness or of constantly making ourselves feel
guilty for not doing enough of a good job for our children when we are clearly
all doing our best aren’t we so let’s discuss on the comments below and I hope
you enjoyed this video if you did don’t forget to give it a like and share it
with your friends if you feel like they might enjoy this debate as well don’t
forget to subscribe if you’re new and I will see you all in my next video bye

24 thoughts on “IS PARENTING A JOB? | MIndful Motherhood | Ysis Lorenna

  1. Great thoughts! I totally agree
    I think dealing with my toddler is harder than any job and is 24/7 hopefully it would get easier at 4?! Anyway is very important to respect them and give them freedom in order to have a great relationship later on

  2. I love this! I agree that thinking of parenting as a relationship over a job fosters more compassion amongst moms ❤❤

  3. I think of it as a heavy responsibility. I’m a first time mom and I feel so pressured to “do it right.” And it’s scary because I don’t want to make a horrible mistake. But it’s rewarding when u watch ur little one overcome milestones and obstacles.

  4. Wow I love this; I feel so much more content as a mum when we’ve had a day where we’ve laughed and been silly vs when I’m in “manager” mode just getting around the routine and chores; and it also shows how time apart is so important in a relationship and we should feel less guilty about having independence xxxxx

  5. I agree with you so much! I love the focus on framing parenting as a relationship, because of course that's what you have with your children. I also don't like when people say that parents who stay home with their children are parenting full-time. I do stay home with mine but I'm pretty sure that other moms and dads who work outside their homes are still parents 24/7 and are the ones to make decisions on what the care looks like for their children while they are at work or anywhere else. Parenting is something I do as a part of my life, it's not a task or chore that I'm enduring. And you're right, it's not something you can switch off from, which is absolutely something you can (and should!) do from a job.

  6. A job is a place where you go, work, slack off when you feel like it, get a couple of breaks, and leave and go home and forget about until the next day.

    Therefore I don’t call parenting a “job” and don’t think of it that way. Being a parent is 24/7 stress, being overwhelmed, hard work, all with no breaks.

    I agree with you Ysis ☺️

  7. Ola Ysis. revejo-me tanto nas tuas palavras.

    Tu es absulutamente adoravel. continua com este trabalho fanyastico que estas a fazer.

    beijinhos

  8. I agree to a degree. I understand that what I am doing with my children is building a lasting relationship and teaching them how to be decent humans and build their own relationships in a healthy way. However, I also can see why some people consider it a job or work. For me, I take work and my job very seriously. Just as I do parenting. It is a full time commitment and I am obligated to be the best parent I can possibly be for my kiddos and for society. My kids are a product of the job I’ve done and as they grow up, the review of how well I’ve done will be when I see what kind of people they become and how others perceive them. So I see both sides.

  9. This is such an important conversation to have. I have often thought of parenting as a very hard job and a series of task to get through until bedtime. The times that I ' let it go' are the most rewarding as a mum. And I totally agree with the 'guilty' feeling of not doing enough and of it being hard work. Thanks for opening up such an interesting debate.

  10. It's true that treating parenting like a job almost belittles the importance and irreplaceability of it. (how easily can you replace your relationship with your child? U literally cannot. It is unique to u and your child, unlike many jobs out there where staff are completely interchangeable) But I also fully agree on your last point that sometimes not having a 'job' except for parenting is seen as less worthy. Total bollocks but it's how parts of society tends to judge success – your paycheck and your career status. Such a pity.

  11. I am a stay at home mom not by choice. We just had our first baby. It's so hard but I do manage. My boyfriend on his days off he doesn't help much because he works "I'm tired". I'm like well I work too but dont get paid. I can never clock out and relax. He travels for work and come home on the weekends. When I ask for a girls night out he says straight out no. I am so venting. Any advice?

  12. Wonderful words and really clarifies what it is to be a full time parent and to value the parent-child relationship above all. Thank you Ysis.

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