i had a miscarriage.

i had a miscarriage.


I can’t believe I’m even filming this I don’t even know what to say but I felt like I needed to come on here and talk to you guys Uhm.. I’ve been absent for the last little while and as it’s probably clear from the title, I had a miscarriage and we’ve been grieving for the last while. And, And um, that’s why I’ve been gone but In the process of mourning the loss of my baby and talking to friends and family I realized that alot of people suffer silently with miscarriages and it wasn’t until I had one until I realized how lonely it is, and can be and I didn’t realize how common they are and so I decided to film this today and share alittle bit about what I’m going through. and just show you guys that you’re not alone if you’re going through one or have gone through one. And that it’s okay to grieve and it’s nothing, as I’m sure you guys know that have gone through one, have probably heard from your doctors, but it’s not anything you did and there’s nothing you could have done even though I know. I know how you’re going to try to blame yourself anyway cause I do. But I know there’s nothing I did or could have done to save my baby And I’m going to be sad for a while and so today I wanted to yeah I just wanted to come on and talk to you guys alittle bit about what I’m going through what Chris and I are going through what our family is going through and yeah, so It started on monday and I was bleeding and I talked to some friends that are doctors and they didn’t seem super concerned it is pretty common. And then, that was sunday sorry, and then on monday I started bleeding really heavily and it got really scary and so Chris and I went to the hospital and we got admitted into it I remember lying down on the table and the doctor coming in and at this point I wanted to make sure I was okay And I had done everything I can to save my baby and I remember lying down on the table and the doctor just felt my stomach and said it’s done and your body is just doing this naturally And I couldn’t, I just felt like my body was betraying me and we spent a couple hours at the hospital getting the clotting and bleeding to stop and it’s just a big blur and I was on a structure for most of the day and we were waiting for if I needed further surgeries or transfusions or anything which thank God I didn’t and it didn’t feel real so over the last week or so you know, going back and fourth to the hospital checking levels and this stuff and every time I go back I just sort of hope that it was still in there. But it’s over and So Chris and I have been surrounded by our families and relying heavily on each other for support. And I’m very blessed that that I have a really big and supportive family. who has helped me through this. and I want to let you guys know that the reason that I felt comfortable sharing this was because of you guys you guys are always so supportive of me and this, this community, this family on here is so loving and and uplifting, and encouraging and I know that alot of influencers and Youtubers and social media people don’t have that and their communities can be really toxic and I never feel that way and so you guys are an extension of my family so I wanted to share this with you because I need I need you in this mourning process, and this grieving process I need my family and I need you guys and I need to slowly make my way into what I love doing. Which is creating videos for you guys, and helping you guys and I mean that’s why I started Youtube is to help, and I hope that even if I can just help one person with this video, that’s all I need So I want you to know, for anyone out there who has suffered from a miscarriage who is currently suffering from one, that it’s really common, it’s nothing that you did and I’m here with you and it’s okay to mourn that loss that’s your baby and that’s okay we named the baby Michael and he will always be my third baby and God willing, if we have any more children, I will never forget him and he will always be a part of my family and our lives in some way and this is going to be really hard for me and I appreciate all of your support. I will, I have more make up obviously in over a week. And I want to get back into things I want to get back into a routine of things and every day seems to get a little bit better this is going to be really hard for me. and your support, it means a lot. And I think the next video I want to do is like a Q&A sort of chatty Get Ready With Me And I’m exited to get back into things I don’t know when I’m going to get back into things but I know that you guys are going to be there and that means alot to me. Thank you guys for watching this video for supporting me, I will get to reading all of your comments soon. I don’t know if I’ll be able to look at them right away but I will read them and up until this point all your messages on Twitter and Instagram I tried to read as many as I could and there were so many thousands of messages. And it means a lot to me so thank you Thank you for watching and thank you for your prayers and support and I’m looking forward to getting back into make up, and doing those things and yeah, I love you guys and I’ll see you soon, bye

100 thoughts on “i had a miscarriage.

  1. This did hit a personal note..you are amazing and I’m sorry it took me this long to comment. You are strong and amazing and you and Chris will have another beautiful healthy child.

  2. Thank you for sharing, I'm SURE it will help many. I will never forget when I was in my 20's and my aunt (who'd I'd known my whole life) told me she'd had 5 miscarriages. I was so shocked, not only that she went through that but also because I didn't know, that she or my mom hadn't shared it. So you're right, many go through it in silence. As a side, she had three children and was a gramma and great gramma. Blessings on your path!!!!

  3. Thank you so much for sharing this and I’m so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage in 2016 at 11+6 weeks and it was absolutely devastating. Hearing from others who had been through it was a big help to me. The pain will fade but of course you’ll never forget your baby.

    I’m now 14 weeks pregnant with a rainbow baby and still nervous but excited and grateful too.

    You will be okay xxx

  4. I’m so incredibly sorry for this loss that is beyond words. You’re right…miscarriages are far more common than people think. I had a miscarriage when I was pregnant with my daughter. She was a twin, so I lost a baby I never knew I had. My daughter was born with a chromosomal disorder called Turner Syndrome, so she was born without her 46th chromosome. I found that out when she was 11, so only then did it make sense that her twin just wasn’t viable. With a chromosomal disorder, we also wonder what we did wrong, but it’s nobody’s fault. I have no doubt you will get pregnant again. Michael wasn’t ready to be on earth yet. He chose you as his mommy, & when you get pregnant again, he will come back to you. Maybe as a boy again, maybe as a girl…but that beautiful spirit that chose you & Chris as parents will choose you again, & next time he’ll be ready. Your grief belongs to you, so you grieve the way you need to. Nobody else gets to tell you how to do it. So grieve, which you will do in some form or fashion for the rest of your life. But know he hasn’t permanently left you. He’s waiting for the right time for him to come back.❤️

  5. Oh honey I'm so sorry to hear this news. I'm so sorry for your loss. It's never easy. Please take all the time you need. Grief is different for everyone. Everyone goes through it in their own way and nobody can tell you how long or how to, it just takes time to go through it. I'm so sorry to tell you it will never go away or get better but you will get to a place where you can cope better. I'm don't sorry if that sounds harsh but I don't want to lie to you and say it gets better with time or you will eventually get over it. It's probably the worst thing you guys will ever go through. I would take it all away if I could but unfortunately I can't. But I am here for you every step of the way. It hurts me to see you so sad. It just breaks my heart. Thank you for making this video. It will help a lot of ladies go through this very thing. I know how hard this must be to make this video but you are doing a great thing. Thanks lovey. I'm praying for you and your family. If you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask. Love you so very much!! Mark the day as his birthday and celebrate him every year. When you eventually get to heaven you will be with him again. So you will see him again. This I know for sure.

  6. Thank you for sharing your story, Rachel. I know it was hard. I had a missed miscarriage then a D&C a week ago. I know that miscarriages are common but couldn't understand the unique pain of losing a baby I've never met or had a chance to hold. I don't even know if it was a boy or a girl. My mom named them Angel and it stuck because they're my angel baby.
    It's hard to wrap your mind around the loss of a dream. I'd never been pregnant before. Never had a baby. I hope I can meet them one day along with the dog I lost the day after I learned my baby had died. I still miss them so much. They're always with me because they're always on my mind. I loved them so much and I did everything I could to take care of them.
    Other people don't understand. How could they? I get that but I wish they'd acknowledge it. If you know about it say something. It makes me feel like they don't care. Thanks for this opportunity to process my thoughts.
    I'm taking care of myself now. Their father too. We'll get through this. It's just so hard right now. It's hard to pretend that everything is ok too.

  7. I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers go out to you and your family. I am here to support you and take all the time you need to get back into things. <3

  8. I'm sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage on November 6th at 7 weeks and 6 days. It was my first baby. I had no idea how common it was either.

  9. I've seen three YouTubers whom I watch have miscarriages within this month. Whats going on 😢 Don't worry girly you will come out of this stong, you are not alone. The best advice I can give you is to seek Christ, whether you believe or not, please consider seeking him, you have nothing to loose. You will not be disappointed, I promise! Much love to you 💟

  10. There are certain people that I watch on YouTube for many reasons. One of these reasons is that they are not selling their lives. You used to belong to the people that I watched. Not anymore. I can’t believe that people actually sell their lives to make money. Disgrace. Just that.

  11. Praying for everyone who has to suffer through something like this. Including still births. I had a stillbirth in June. My baby girl passed away at 20 weeks. It’s so sad that this stuff happens so often. I pray for any mother who has to go through this.

  12. I know how horrible it can be. I had two before I was able to have my boys,. They are not only physically painful but so emotionally painful. It's a loss of hope and looking forward to something wonderful. You will get better and if the Lord is with you you will have more.

  13. Im sorry you are going thru this… Its so hard and painful. But thanks for sharing because you are right it feels so lonely but the more you talk about it the more meaning it will have cusbit will help someone else to not feel alone and it will also help you heal because the memory of your baby will stay alive 💕 hugs!

  14. I just recently suffered a miscarriage as well. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I understand how painful and difficult it is. Sending so much love your way. ❤

  15. I’m sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage earlier in the year and it was honestly the worst thing EASILY the worst thing I’d ever gone through. It’s super common and hard and i still have days where i just cry. It feels like it’s your fault although it isn’t. I’m sorry you had to go through this. Love you!!!

  16. I am so sorry for your loss lovely. I had a missed miscarriage last July and you’re right, it is the most painfully lonely experience I have ever been through. Keep talking to your loved ones and be kind to yourselves xx

  17. On December 19th I found out I had miscarried. My husband and I were having such a hard time coping and realizing what truly happened. This would have been our first baby and we were trying for the little bean for such a long time to get the news that he didn’t make it was so hard. I know what you are going through and I send you positive thoughts and love.

  18. I am so sorry for your loss. You're such a bright soul in the beauty community and I can't help but smile whenever I watch your videos. Know that you are a wonderful woman, and that this is your life and you can take all of the time that you need to grieve.

  19. Rachel, I watched this video when it was uploaded and 2 weeks later found out that I had experienced a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks (my first pregnancy). I cannot tell you how much insight and comfort this video gave me in knowing my feelings were valid. I'm just starting to feel like myself again, and happy to see in your latest videos that you seem to be healing too. Know that sharing your story has helped others, and that you are never alone in this! xoxo

  20. I'm just seeing this and didn't even know, my heart and prayers go out to you and Chris and your family. Just know God makes no mistakes

  21. I am so very sorry for your loss, I am crying with you. You are always so happy and cheerful so it is hard seeing you so sad, but I want to thank you for being real and honest and sharing this with us. Your baby has received his angel wings, and you will see him one day in heaven, I know that does not make it any easier but I hope that you will find the comfort and peace that you need. Take enough time to grieve, and remember that this is not your fault, be kind to yourself and take as much time as you need to take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Thinking of you 💗

  22. I am so very sorry for your loss, I am crying with you. You are always so happy and cheerful so it is hard seeing you so sad, but I want to thank you for being real and honest and sharing this with us. Your baby has received their angel wings, and you will see him or her one day in heaven, I know that does not make it any easier but I hope that you will find the comfort and peace that you need. Take enough time to grieve, and remember that this is not your fault, be kind to yourself and take as much time as you need to take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Thinking of you 💗

  23. I found you when I was pregnant with my first. Your opinions and recommendations were my life as a soon to be mom. I found you again after I lost that baby and was pregnant with my now beautiful perfect 18 month old. I will always be grateful for you and for what you've done for me. Please take all the healing time you need. The pain will always be there but your light shows how much happiness is still attainable. God bless you and your family

  24. This has me in tears I can't even finish this video. I'm sorry for your lost. I know it's hard I'm not a parent so I can only imagine the pain. You and your family will stay in my prayers.

  25. I’m just now seeing this video. I had a miscarriage right around the same time. It still hurts. I appreciate you being open and honest and raw.

  26. I support you ,you have beautiful children and I'm so sorry you have to go through this and your baby is in a safe place in heaven……Love you

  27. My heart goes to you. My ex and I split up 2 weeks ago. I had a lot of pregnancy like symptoms. Since I started a new hormonal base treatment for pcos I pit them all on the treatment. I then decided to go to the doc cuz I really really wasn't feeling good. In 5 minutes I learned I was pregnant and that I was having a miscarriage. I had to annonce to my ex that we lost a child as I think he had a right to know. I did a blighted ovum (miscarriage where there's a sac… but no baby in it…)

    I still can't believe it. I feel so guilty for not taking a test. I feel guilty for drinking like I did. I keep putting my hand over my stomach…

  28. I'm sorry for your loss <33 And thank you for sharing this!! It's one of my biggest fears, because no one talks about this. This has so much power behind it. I appreciate it. Thank you <33

  29. My baby brother/sister also went to heaven before walking on Earth. My mother told this to me when I was 15, for that time I never knew. And If I recall correctly, my father does not know either. She had no chance to tell him, and deside to save him from the pain. To think she suffered that alone… it hurts…

  30. I’m so very sorry for your loss. You will have your rainbow baby. My husband and I suffered 2 back to back losses 6 months apart and still to this day I miss them and cry when I think about it. We are now 8 days away from our due date with our healthy rainbow baby. It is true, they are so common. 1 in 4 women suffer it. It’s hard, and it’s a silent subject. Unfortunately the pain will never go away, it will get easier to cope but never go away. Just trust in the fact that when you both are ready your angel baby will send you your precious rainbow baby. Again, im so sorry. There is nothing that you could have done and I’m in tears watching you in pain as so many of us have felt that. I’m sure you have so much support but if you ever need someone to talk to, Im here. And that goes for anyone who sees this and knows the pain.

  31. I’m so sorry for your and your family’s loss. Thanks for doing this. As an OB RN, I can tell you that THIS VIDEO will help at least one other person. May even save a life. Very brave. Hugs.

  32. I know this is late but I know what it is like to lose something so meaningful to you and that you were happy about it because both my mom and my older sister had miscarriages and the are heartbreaking for everyone around you just know that your youtube family is here when you need to talk to someone

  33. It will get better as it goes on. I have high hopes for you and Chris! Stay strong throught everything that goes on in life.

  34. Oh my gosh! I have not seen this video and I've been a subscriber for a long time!😱 I'm so sorry for your loss!😭💔 Thank you so much for sharing this deep and very sad news with us and I believe you are gonna get through it but still remember your love for your child❤ I know this was months ago and I wish I had known about it sooner but I really hope you've healed through that ordeal and looking toward a brighter future💖💕 I love you Rachel!❤ God bless❤🙏

  35. I will forever remember this video if this ever happens to me ( I can only hope not). Thank you for sharing this, and I hope that today is brighter. xx

  36. I am so sorry God will guide you I am so sorry get batter cause there is still more to come my regard to your family we love you❤️❤️

  37. I watched this video when you first posted it. But I now am re watching. I just experienced a miscarriage myself. It has been a vey lonely time for me. It’s sad time. Your very strong for posting this. Your video has given me some comfort. Thank you for sharing.

  38. I was 16 when I had a miscarriage. I felt like I murdered the baby and to this day the only people that know is the dad and my now Fiancé. It's ok Love you.

  39. I'm sorry for your love but I don't offended you but your baby is always with you just look in your heart and I'll never be alone

  40. You should watch Hanna the world's okayest mom from tasty buzzfeed, she did a video about the same thing.

  41. I am so sorry for your loss. My third pregency ended in a miscarriage also. We made it to 6 weeks. I had been taking ibuprofen for my knee pain nightly. No one had ever told me that ibuprofen is not to be taken if pregnant or the possibility of being pregnant. The nurse in the emergency room even told me that she thinks it was the cause. I blame myself to this day and it has been 7 years. I did end up getting pregnant again a year later and I have a healthy boy. He is 5 years old now. So no you are not alone. You are my favorite youtuber. You always make me smile and laugh. You also remind me that there genuine good hearted people that care about others. I wish you the best.

  42. When this video came out, I was pregnant and my grandmother had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer… At the end of November, I lost my first pregnancy. I remember trying to watch this video and a coworker told me not to be paranoid and not watch this kind of stuff. I wish I had so I understood what it was like and what it would feel like. I'm so sorry you lost your baby… Your story really is very similar to the experience I had, I remember all of these same feelings. Thank you for sharing.

  43. Oh, honey. I wish I could give you a big hug! I had three miscarriages, and one live birth. (He's 22 now!) I agree it is so lonely. I wanted so much for everyone else to know about my babies and to miss them, too! Do keep reaching out to others who understand. Some people will say unhelpful things; try to give them the benefit of the doubt. Just listen to those who are ready to sit there with you in your grief and experience it with you.

  44. My brothers wife had 3 miscarriages before they finally got their little girl that now is 6 months old. So this hit quite hard…

  45. I just came across this video and wanted to share that I also had a miscarriage at 10 weeks on November 8, 2018. That was my very first pregnancy and I have struggled every day since with trying understand why it happened. My heart is with you. Good luck on your newest pregnancy! All the love and good vibes your way.

  46. I am so very sorry Rachel. You are such a strong human being, such a strong mother. Michael will always be a part of you, he would have loved to have you as his mother. I’ve yet to watch your most recent video, that‘s titled, “I’m pregnant”
    I’m so happy for you! Your new angelic baby will bring so many joyous memories and moments for you and Chris. You’re so immensely strong. Thank you for sharing such a personal story with us, we will always be right by your side, Rachel. ❤️

  47. i know this video is 9 months old i watched as far as 3/4 mins the first time i watched it. i had a miscarriage on 24th october 16 and it’s took me 3 years now to finally watch an videos like this i got pregnant with my rainbow a later over a year later 💖 this brought back all those feelings again and i’m glad honestly as it still reminds me that i’m not the only one who felt like this 💖

  48. It's okay to hurt and grief is a weird thing that is always changing. It seems that you're dealing in a very healthy way. Keep keeping on. Love and support your way

  49. I had a miscarriage too almost half a year ago… it was my first pregnancy and my husband and I were so excited… We were crushed when at my first ultrasound they found a sac but no baby… My body naturally miscarried and it was such a traumatic experience… I had contractions and was in so much pain… bleeding non stop… It was horrible. I’m so sorry for your loss, but now see that you’re pregnant again with a rainbow baby, so congratulations! Wish you the best of luck.

  50. Sorry to hear. I have never had a miscarriage but I know friends who have been thru it. You and Chris can get through this. I will pray for your family. Just know that I love you like you are my family. Your videos are awesome and I love you.

  51. I know how you feel at that time . I lost little girl and it was the worst possible feeling on this earth. I miss her to much everyday and she would have been 2 this year . But losing her brought me to a realizing fact that i can lose my cool and be ok . I was angry and hurt for the whole year and finally when i was at peace my rainbow baby came and she is so beautiful. You will never forget what happened but it will make you stronger. Prayers for you and your little one one way . Rachel you are awesome and your son will always be watching over you

  52. I love you so much for being so strong to share something like this that’s so hard just keep going because you feel so low but never forget you are amazing and one day god will give you another beautiful blessing in its time✨💕

  53. I recently had a miscarriage, after two years of Infertility, and I had a D&C on Oct 4th. I’ve been grieving ever since, and I feel like everyone is getting pregnant around me and I just sitting here without a child. I feel for you & your not alone. 💜

  54. So sorry for everyone who had to go through m/c… I had mine in June. It's been almost 4 months… But I am still grieving. I know that I should be strong. I should be positive. I should think about my next IVF… I should be happy that I can start a new cycle… We're going to use donor eggs this time. So our chances are higher. It gives me so much hope… But how can I stay positive after the m/c? I'm so scared I'll have another one… I have so many thoughts on my mind. I think about the future and I’m scared. If this IVF fails I’m not sure I want to try again…

  55. Watching this now for the first time, following you for a few weeks now, and my hearth is breaking up. God bless you and all your family.

  56. I know this is a year ago but I have had 8 miscarriages, 1 during second trimester. Although they are common (about 20%), they are sometimes due to low progesterone, especially if you have had more than 1. I have to supplement with progesterone cream every pregnancy to keep my babies alive. I have successfully carried 4 babies to full term, all with progesterone suppliments. All 8 of my losses, I was found to have low progesterone so my body couldn't support them. So sorry for everyone's losses. It's so painful and hard to accept the loss of a baby ❤️❤️❤️

  57. I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words I can say right now. But I understand what you are going through. I'm in a similar situation. I had a mc in August at 7 weeks. I just don't get how everything can be fine and literally days later everything is over. We are devastated. I'm so sad. I'm still grieving. We were advised to do a cycle with donor eggs. I had 2 regular cycles of IVF and I don't want to try with my eggs again. But I decided to take a break from TTC for a while. I need to recover mentally. It just feels like my body is a complete failure right now. Sending you big hugs during this time, my thoughts are with you. Don't give up…

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